The File Cabinet

A Verbal Stim, or Breaking into the Conversation?

"Mommy, where are we going?"

Did you hear that?? He asked a question, as I was getting his shoes and socks on, as I was preparing him to leave the house.

"We have to take your brothers to wrestling practice."

"Can we go too?"

Did you hear that?? A two part exchange? Real conversation??? One that is relative to what we are doing, what we are talking about. One that is not scripted, pulled from the files of shows and movies memorized. A conversation.

This child, I was told, would be able to speak...one day. To what extent, was in question. Just last year, it was suggested that he would not succeed in an inclusion environment, that he would be provided 1:1 instruction in a self - contained classroom. I fought. I fought hard.

Having a child model behaviors of his peers is what our children need for success. The lessons learned from "typical" classmates can be greater than lessons learned through instruction. Our children need to play, with one another. They need to foster their imagination.

Stop the scripting, I was told. It is a verbal stim, I was told. It will suck him into a world that can become dark, lonely, detrimental. I disagree. His scripting has led to conversation. When he doesn't have the words on his own, he has words, in his file cabinet that he can pull from, and keep him engaged in the conversation.

I know there are many views on stimming, scripting, and other behaviors associated with Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder. I have sought advice and guidance from OT's, SLP's and educators. With their view point in mind, I have formulated the opinion that while his "verbal stim" can suck him into a world all his own, it also allows him to continue verbalizing. To continue practicing social skills and imaginative play, in circumstances that would otherwise leave him feeling left out of the conversation, fostering our belief that it is just a stim, and not his way of breaking into a conversation, in a time where words may otherwise fail him.

Allowing a child to go into a corner and spin the wheels of his Tonka, without engaging in the play, could lead to a dark and lonely world, I acknowledge that. Allowing the child to spin the wheels, and engaging with the child, creating conversation, asking "why", "how", facilitating conversation, may bring us into that world, and show that we respect the behavior, but also want to understand it, want to be a part of it. Taking these moments to build the relationship, and taking the time to ask questions to our child, shows that we respect their behavior, and respect them enough to question it, engage in it, and want to be a part of it.

There are many times, just like our conversation above, where I get C ready for the day, to go out, and while I warn him that we will be leaving, I fail to give him full details. With 3 kids, life is busy. Sometimes, it doesn't seem that there is enough time to fully explain where we are going, and why. With "Neuro-Typical" kids, this works. "We need to leave, now, and I will explain it in the car". Children with ASD, SPD, or other diagnoses, they need, and deserve more. My conversation above not only validates the need to constantly converse with our children, but that, despite their seemingly disinterest in our conversation, they are hearing what we are saying.

C constantly amazes me. Our initial diagnosis was hard. While he showed signs of one day being able to have conversational skills, no one could predict what those skills would evolve into. While we are still working on expressing needs and wants, slowly and surely we are making progress. Little reminders, like this, encourage us, as parents to continue pursuing more. To engage, to keep talking, even when it looks like he has lost interest. The words we say today, may be pulled from his "file cabinet" tomorrow, and help him express his needs in a way we never thought he could.