A Time for Thanks

The holidays are quickly approaching. This is truly my favorite time of the year, and Thanksgiving is by far my most favorite holiday. It is a time when friends and family come together to celebrate each other, to break bread with one another, and is focused on being thankful for all we have. 

Again, I feel compelled to express my sincerest gratitude for all those who have supported Kinera Foundation over the course of the last 6 months. Because of each of you, we have reached more parents and caregivers than I hoped to reach in a year. We have allowed those who service our community an opportunity to speak about their services in a forum that directly reaches those they are trying to help. We have made friends, our children have made friends, and we are on the path to truly fulfilling our mission statement.

THANK YOU!!

With the approaching holidays, comes the stress of preparing our homes and families for the whirlwind of festivities. There are numerous tips and tricks to make this easier on our children who have sensory sensitivities, but below are some tips from a fellow mom, who has attended every meeting and has offered an immense amount of support for Kinera Foundation's future.  

6 Tips to help your child during the busy holiday season

1. Give your child a schedule of events for special activities, particularly on days with lots of transitions. Whether it’s a written schedule or one with pictures for younger kids, your child will feel calmer and safer knowing what is coming up. Discuss the schedule with your child. Sometimes just knowing what’s next can help children with special needs feel less anxiety.

2. Have a code word your child can use if he/she feels overwhelmed and needs a break. Let your child know if he/she uses the code word, you will respond right away. Again, giving children some control during activities that may be overstimulating for them will reduce anxiety and fear of the unknown.
3. Before you leave for holiday parties, parades, or other events, have a quick family meeting so your whole family knows how long you plan to stay and how you expect them to behave. This will benefit neuro-typical children as well, since any child can get overwhelmed with the excitement of the holidays. Continue to make your child’s sleep schedule a priority, even in the midst of so many special events.
4. Children with significant sensory-sensitivities may require a little extra planning to enjoy holiday events. For example, you may need to bring along ear plugs if you will be in a noisy environment or sensory fidgets if the child is expected to sit still. For sensitive kids who need to wear dress clothes for events, bring  along some soft clothes for them to change into as soon as possible. Be prepared by knowing your child’s specific limitations and how you will handle them if the need arises. Don’t wait for the meltdown to begin.
5. If your children have food sensitives or allergies that prevent them from eating holiday treats, plan ahead to offer alternatives like all-natural candy or a gluten-free treat from home. Children with neuro-behavioral disorders like ADHD or autism often already feel different, so be sure to include them in as many holiday festivities as possible.
6. If your child is easily over-stimulated, limit holiday decorations in your home. Too many twinkling lights combined with smells from the kitchen and other holidays distractions, while enjoyable to most, can be too much for children with autism, ADHD, or sensory disorders. Let special needs children help you decorate for the holidays so they are involved in the changes that take place in their comforting environment.

Great article about how Jewish families can celebrate Hanukkah with their children with special needs: http://www.abilitypath.org/areas-of-development/physical-development/sensory/articles/hanukkah1.html
 
A few more tips: http://specialchildren.about.com/od/inthecommunity/a/holiday.htm
 
http://www.friendshipcircle.org/blog/2012/12/12/13-holiday-survival-tips-for-your-child-with-special-needs/

These are great tips for what others can do for a parent of a child with special needs: http://specialchildren.about.com/od/inthecommunity/tp/Things-to-Do-for-a-Parent.htm
 
Gluten Free Holiday Cookie Recipes
http://noshon.it/recipes/13-gluten-free-holiday-cookie-recipes/

A Call to Action or a Slap in the Face?

Is there a point where we unknowingly sacrifice one's dignity for our own sanity?

Many of you may have been following the threads and posts regarding the blog written by Suzanne Wright regarding the  "call to action", demanding a national response to make a plan for the estimated 3 million Americans that have Autism (birth to adult). If you have been following the threads, you also know that this was a direct result of the resignation of long time contributor to Autism Speaks, John Elder Robison.

I have taken a few days to read through the threads, have been cautious to not jump on one bandwagon, or the next before formulating my own opinion. And what I have realized, in waiting it out, and reading the posts and comments, is this... we all have an opinion. I have come to the conclusion that the root of both blog posts, in my opinion, are for me, truthful, heartfelt, and from a place of compassion. (Click the above names for the link to each post)

Suzanne Wright says, "These families are not living. They are existing. Breathing - yes. Eating - yes. Sleeping - maybe. Working - most definitely - 24/7."

Well here I am, in the flesh, and therefore I am living, but I see the metaphor. Am I living the life I envisioned? Well that depends upon the time-frame upon which I was asked "what do you envision for your future". 20 years ago, I knew I would be married, knew I would have a home, and a family. 15 years ago, I couldn't see past my nose, I was so wrapped up in myself and didn't know what the next day would hold. 10 years ago I was a single mom, hoping that I could recoup my previous dream of a husband, home and family. 5 years ago I envisioned a home with 3 energetic boys, growing up to be a lawyer, actor and baseball player. I envisioned 3 daughter in laws, plenty of grandchildren, and a retirement filled with travel and visiting all my grand-babies. Today, my future is full of unknowns, but I do know that I still have 3 loving and healthy boys, full of energy and potential. Beyond that, I know, from past experience, that my vision of the future will continue to change, as our lives change. I have no doubt, however, that I am living my life to the fullest potential.

I do understand the analogy, perhaps I am not living to my envisioned potential. Again, it is up to us to re-write our vision of our future. I can appreciate what she is trying to say. As parents, we fight, day in and day out for the things that many parents take for granted. And while we fight, those same parents, who take for granted the small things, seemingly judge how we parent. It is daunting, it is hard, it is tiring. I do forget to eat, I have lost sleep, I do worry endlessly about such miniscule things, that suddenly seem so large. It is hard to parent a child with Autism. It is hard to parent.

Mr. Robison based his resignation from Autism Speaks on his belief that while Autism Speaks has the perfect platform and fundraising ability to provide and advocate for those on the Spectrum, they lack the tenacity to "speak" on behalf of those with Autism. In addition, he states "we do not like hearing that we are defective or diseased. We do not like hearing that we are part of an epidemic. We are not problems for our parents or society, or genes to be eliminated." He feels the staffers at Autism Speaks need help "to understand how destructive its messages have been to the psyches of autistic people".

Again, I get it. I understand how we, as part of the "normal" population, portray those with Autism as a problem to be solved. I have many times said that I would choose C with his "quirks" over C as someone else. We walk a fine line, when we try to define our children, our loved ones who are affected by Autism. While we want to help them succeed, and function in a "normal" society, we don't want to lose the person they are, because of the condition they have been diagnosed with. How do we balance, without teetering over the edge. 

I have written, many times, that when C was diagnosed, I felt as if I lost my child. I mourned my vision of who he was, felt that his future was re-written. I mourned the parent I hoped to be, and had to persevere.

Those feelings were my initial feelings, they didn't stop there. Together, and as a family, we are working on the chapters of the book. Writing it in hopes of creating a beautiful body of the story, that depicts a life of love and happiness. With every birth, a story unfolds, and changes as circumstances change. We are fluid, and need to bend and mold to each new chapter. We need to learn from our previous chapters and use those lessons to create the proceeding story. Our book is right in front of us, waiting for us to record all that takes place. Like every book, there are tragedies and triumphs, but it is how we outline our future chapters, based on our previous writing that makes our story unique and beautiful.

We should not feel as though we need to hide the hardships, because that is what makes our story come to life... However, we do need to be open and understanding of other stories, chapters, that take place around us, unfold before us, as they too have a vital role and can intertwine with how our story continues.

Being real and true to what you feel is important in family communication, but what is more important is explaining those feelings to your loved ones, ensuring they understand the place you were in, and the lessons learned from being in that place and experiencing those emotions. 

While I understand why Mr. Robison feels resentment towards Mrs. Wright's post, I can't help but to relate to what she says. There are days where just being, in this place, in my life, is hard. It is a challenge to manage the day to day. It is a struggle to be patient, to understand the stim, to respect C's desire to do something other than what is on my agenda. I also know that this is a daily struggle for every parent. Do we make it harder on ourselves because we have a diagnosis?

Every day I remind my boys that they have a choice to make... They can choose to make it a great day, or choose to have a bad day. We control how we manipulate our feelings, however I believe we can't control how we feel in a given moment. We can choose to use our feelings to our benefit or our detriment.

At times it is hard to acknowledge how we feel and then take those feelings and make them positive, but with work, it can be done.

I can understand why some may feel that airing a parent's negative feelings on a social media site, seems incomprehensible, but I get it. It makes those feelings real, enables others to express sympathy and empathy. I also believe that when you use social media as an outlet for your feelings, you need to be aware and ready to answer the questions and backlash that will certainly come with your post.

As we continue to advocate for those with "different abilities" we also need to embrace the hardship for all affected by it. We are all being graded on a massive curve, and need to remember that our personal experience, belief, and way we handle our experiences are different from others. Just as those with Autism are on a spectrum and all require different levels of care and treatment, we as humans are on a broader spectrum, and too are in need of different levels of care and treatment. If we are asking the normal population to embrace and understand the Autism Spectrum, shouldn't we be advocating the same for ourselves?

Going Gluten Free? Take it slow

Ten steps to a pantry makeover

Recently I have had quite a few parents ask about our diet for C and how we manage the expense of his dietary restrictions. When C was diagnosed, a blood test revealed that he had an egg and wheat allergy. Though he does not have an anaphylactic reaction to the allergy, it is clear that it affects his body. He will start to stim more, he starts to use jargon, and his pupil's even dilate. Though the allergist said these are not common symptoms of an allergic reaction, we have learned to expect the uncommon with C.

So, we moved forward with not only changing the way C eats, but have revamped our entire family's eating habits. Though we don't all follow a gluten free diet, we have removed many food items containing wheat or egg. We have also eliminated all dyes, all foods containing GMO's, have moved to primarily organic meat and produce, no longer eat processed foods, and limit sugar intake.

Before you decide that you need to do a complete overhaul of your pantry, I have a few suggestions to make the transition easier, and ease the burden on your pockets.

1. Don't eliminate everything at once! Take it one step at a time, one ingredient at a time. If you just stocked your pantry with cereal, bread, pasta, etc., try eliminating processed foods first. I have found that making things from scratch takes as much time as prepared foods, and can be a fun teaching moment for kids (and husbands too)
2. When purchasing organic produce, start with the "Dirty Dozen", as shown by Organic.org. These foods are listed based on the previous years pesticide residue testing and then placed in the "Dirty Dozen" category as foods recommended to purchase organic.
3. If you are eliminating foods to see if there are any behavioral effects on your child (or yourself for that matter), ensure that you only eliminate one food at a time, and give it a minimum of 2-3 weeks to ensure that it is completely removed from your system. This way you will be able to pinpoint any culprits of unwanted behavior.
4. Check with your butcher to find out where your meat comes from. Ideally you want to eat meat that comes from farms that grass feed their animals, allow them to free roam, and are free from added hormones and antibiotics.
5. Natural doesn't necessarily mean organic. This is confusing because there are strict regulations that come with the FDA Approved Organic label, whereas "Natural" does not have the same criteria. With that being said, local and small farmers don't necessarily have the means required to pay for the FDA to approve them as organic. Check with your local farmers. KI Farmer's Market farmers are very open about their farming practices.  Farmer's Markets are also a great way to support your local economy!
6. Shop the sales! I only buy meat when it is on sale. I usually only buy from Whole Foods, however Trader Joe's has great prices on Ground Beef and Frozen Chicken Breasts. I find out what is on sale and try to base my meals around those meats. This is where planning ahead is key!
7. Plan Ahead!! I always look online at Whole Foods and take a look at their weekly flyer. They also have deals of the day, and Facebook will usually update you on the good ones. Once I know what is on sale that I need, I plan out my meals for the month... Yep a month. I don't necessarily have a specific day in mind when I will cook a particular meal, but I have a plan for everything I buy. This helps deter me from overbuying and sometimes I can even stretch my meat over 6 weeks.
8. Know your staple pantry items and stock up when they are on sale. C Loves Z Bars, but they don't often go on sale. When they do, I ensure I stock up. I have found them as low as $.50/ bar, which is a steal! I also know that my kids like the same basic things in their lunch. We always have a fruit, a protein, a snack, and a sweet. Chips at Trader Joes are just $1.99 per bag!! There is no other chain store that has chip prices that low, and my favorite part... The ingredients are just potatoes, salt and sunflower oil. I can pronounce all of those ingredients!
9. Try making things from scratch. You pay for someone else to process your food, and I think it is a waste of money (in my personal opinion). I bread my own nuggets, cut my own french fries, mix my own pancake batter, etc. These are kid staples that can be costly. When I make my nuggets, I make a Gluten Free Batch, and a Panko Batch. Everyone can enjoy them, and they literally take 10 minutes more to cook than oven baking processed nuggets. The very best part... I know what's in them. There is no mystery meat!
10. Don't beat yourself up. If you can't afford organic, if you can't make your own nuggets, if you don't have time to shop in 3 different stores, don't get discouraged. By slowly changing your pantry over, slowly changing your eating and cooking habits, you are making a difference for the better.

We saw a difference in C's behavior within the first two months of changing his diet. I encourage you to speak with your pediatrician or family doctor, and take it slow. It is a hard change for parents and kids. We all get stuck in our habits, and routines, and changing a child's favorite foods, especially if they have special needs, can be a daunting task. I repeat... Don't make the changes all at once!

Some great resources for Gluten Free recipes and healthy eating are:
Trusted Table
Eating Right
Gluten Free Goddess
Whole Foods
Trader Joe's

The Wanderer... continued

PAS - Public Alert System

After "The Wanderer" debuted, I had several parents approach me with similar concerns regarding their child and their own fears about their child wandering. It occurred to me that I took the suggestions of other mom's, and information from the AWAARE website, but hadn't done my due diligence in effectively researching our state and local law enforcement's protocol regarding eloped children with IDD (Intellectual/ Developmental Disability). So, I did some research. What I found was this:

1. The Amber Alert is only used if a child has been confirmed as “Abducted” and the Alert will only be used if there is proof that he/ she is “at risk of serious bodily harm or injury”. www.amberalert.gov
2. The Silver Alert in the state of Maryland is used “in instances of an adult, suffering certain cognitive impairments, has been reported missing.” The criteria dictates that the individual must be over the age of 60, have a cognitive disability, poses a threat to one’s health or safety, and is operating a motor vehicle. www.mdsp.org

Other states  have included individuals with intellectual or developmental disabilities in the Silver Alert System or their variation of the Public Alert System. 

After learning the above, I decided to take further action and call our State Senate Office to speak with Senator Joanne Benson, who serves on multiple committees, including Education, Health and Environmental Affairs Committee, Joint Committee on Children, Youth, and Families, and Joint Committee on Access to Mental Health Services. Though I was unable to speak directly with the Senator herself, I was able to find out from her aide that there is no pending legislation for a Public Alert System that will include people of all ages that have a diagnosis of IDD. I briefly introduced Kinera Foundation and expressed my personal concern that if my child were to go missing, statistically his chances of being found unharmed are slim, and that it would be a travesty to our community to have to endure a loss, in order for the issue to put on the forefront. She suggested that I speak with our local law enforcement agency directly and asked that I call her office back with the information I was given. 

So with a mission in mind, I set out to our local fire department. I was met by two young and enthusiastic firemen who wanted desperately to help, but could only tell me that if my child were to go missing, the Sheriff's Office and Maryland State Police would be dispatched. By happenstance, two state troopers happened to be eating lunch at the firehouse, and the young firemen were happy to pass me off to a better authority on the issue. To their credit, they did remain in the room, while I gave the unprepared uniformed officers the third degree. 

Here is what they told me:

There is currently no Public Alert System that includes individuals with IDD in the state of Maryland. If one of our loved ones were to go missing they urged me to call 911, even as quickly as within minutes of not being able to locate the missing party. When I questioned the advice to preemptively provide our local law enforcement and fire department with a current picture of our child with IDD, they indicated that while in theory it was a good idea, it was not realistic for them to retain in an accurate filing system all of the children in our community who may elope. What they did advise was to keep a current photo of our child in our possession, so that it can be disseminated to the search party quickly.

I then asked the "WH" questions... who would be dispatched when, what first responders would be made available. I reminded them that we live in an area surrounded by water, woods, farms, and main roads. If our child is missing and we call, first the Sheriff's Office will be dispatched to assess the situation, and make calls to other agencies. I questioned how they handled someone who likely would not respond to their name being called, may even consider it a game of Hide and Seek. In that instance, MDSP would likely call in the Police Service Dogs, to try to pick up and locate a scent. The officers briefly touched on the ability to track footprints, and any disturbances in the vegetation made by a human, and the ability of a dog to track a scent just by the skin particles that fall on leaves, grass, etc. as we pass through. I digress. They then indicated that if needed, they had the ability to dispatch helicopters to do overhead surveillance. And if there is fear that missing party has approached the water, the DNR and Coast Guard can be called upon. 

For their lunch being interrupted, and a crazed mom asking a million questions, with tears pricking the corners of their eyes, they were incredibly professional. They were concise and informed, however I still feel that our kids may need more. 

There is something to be said about being proactive vs. reactive, and in this particular case, it could be a matter of life or death. 

As I write this, my heart is pounding, and my imagination is running wild. We have installed the door and window alarms to further protect C from leaving the house without our knowledge, but it still happens. The alarms get turned off, we hear the alarm and in the time it takes to call out to see if the other parent is on it, C has already made it to the street. This is real, and it is scary, and we need a better plan. 

So friends, I am working on it. I spoke directly with Senator Benson and she agrees that to not address the need for those with IDD to be included in, or have their own Public Alert System in place, is to concede to tragedy. Stay tuned, I will continue to update as I learn more about what can be done. 

** Please take a moment to say a prayer for Avonte Oquendo. He has been missing for a week and there is a $70,000 reward, with help from Autism Speaks for his safe return to his family.

The Wonderful World of Disney, an update

I have said it before, and I will say it again... We are Disney Fanatics. We totally embrace all things Disney and our next visit is a revolving topic at our dinner table.

With that being said, we put the brakes on planning our next trip to the Wonderful World of Disney when we heard that the Guest Assistance Card was being revamped. As first reported by the Today Show, it became apparent to Disney that there was significant abuse to the old system, and a new one was needed to ensure fair and equal access to rides, for all guests. I called Disney, when talk of the new system began to circulate, to hear their plan firsthand. While they didn't have much information to offer, they did indicate that October 9th was the magical day for change.

So... here we are, it is October 9, 2013 and today is the day that Disney Theme Parks have unveiled their new "Disability Access Service Card". While a large part of me wants to protest the new rules, I am holding out hope that Disney will take each family and their unique disability, as a separate case, rather than lump all disabilities together. Diary of a Mom had the privilege of speaking directly to a Disney representative last month, and voiced her concerns (our collective concerns) regarding the rumors of the new policy and procedures. She also was given the opportunity to offer insight on things that would work for families who have children with sensory processing disorders, Autism, and other related diagnosis'. Diary of a Mom truly believes that though Disney will not allow for the previous system be abused any longer, they recognize the need for each family and their needs to be addressed on an individual basis.

The more I dwell on the topic, the more I play devil's advocate, the more I realize that Disney had to make a change. Unfortunately, there are those who abused the system. Disney could no longer allow the Guest Assistance Card to be a "Get out of line free card". We have had nothing but positive experiences with the Disney Cast-members and Guest Relations, and while we were not privy to the knowledge that such a "Card" existed on our last trip, we have every intention of being better prepared when we do return. I did say "When". We know we will return. We will wait until Disney has the quirks and nuances of their new system worked out.

What we need to recognize is that Disney, unlike many other theme parks, has a system for our families that allow everyone to enjoy their day. We don't want to spend hundreds of dollars on a family vacation that may lead to meltdowns, tantrums, overload, etc. Disney knows that there is a need to allow every guest the opportunity to enjoy their park in an equal way. Equal for our kids sometimes means that the joy is brought to them in a different manner than others. I applaud Disney for seeing the need, changing the system to stop it's unfair use, and addressing that they will need to continue to "perfect" the new system.

If you plan on visiting Disney in the very near future, and if you have a family member who is in need of additional assistance, be open minded. Allow the Disney Team to work with you to ensure that your vacation is as memorable and wonderful as you envisioned.  


For more information, visit the Disney Blog. They have updated the page to include the new policy, as well as a list of FAQ's.

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly", Sam Keen

Potty Training, a Work in Progress

"Let's get the pee-pee out"  

 

Okay friends, we are on week 3 of potty training, and it has had it's ups and downs. We decided, for C, probably selfishly, that we weren't going to have the kid that goes to Kindergarten in a diaper. Of course he didn't have enough change going on during the first week of school, so we just decided to up the ante a bit more (Insert Sarcasm!).

We chose a potty song ("Let's Get the Sillies Out" by Yo Gabba Gabba converted to "Let's Get the PeePee Out"), a reward for attempting (1 mini marshmallow), a reward for producing (3 mini marshmallows), and a timer set in 10 minute increments (from the time his pants were pulled up), and spent the last week of summer slaves to the potty.

I would love to claim success, however our child has a fear of #2 now. And in addition to not going #2 on the potty, leading to a surge in local sales for size 5T underwear :) we are creating a serious back-flow. I am considering a Mirolax regiment (proven to work with O), however with a child that cannot verbalize his need to use the toilet and to make it more complicated can not distinguish his need for #1 or #2, I fear I am at an impasse.

There is much data proving that children with Autism have a history of GI issues, including but not limited to, Gluten intolerance, Casein intolerance Soy intolerance, Leaky Gut, and constipation. Research shows that sometimes treating the Gut Issues will help alleviate symptoms of Autism, not because they are curing Autism, but because our children who struggle to find the words to describe what ails them, are forced to deal with pain, through no fault of our own, but because of our lack of understanding, and our children's lack of effective communication.

C's teachers have asked, because they are frequently changing his clothes, bleaching the heck out of their floors, chairs, and tables, that we start putting C in a pull-up again. They have assured me that they will continue to take him on his scheduled potty breaks, but with the progress we have made, will that cause him to regress? Or... should I have waited for C to be able to verbalize his need to use the restroom before potty training?

And here I am, once again questioning my decision making skills. C is five, when prompted he will pee in the toilet, but he cannot/ won't tell me he has to go. Is it selfish to want to ensure he, like his classmates, is able to wear underwear to school? Am I nuts for fearing that he will be chastised for wearing a pull-up, be called a baby?

Let's be honest, there are a million challenges I should be tackling, most of which I feel powerless over. Potty training seems appropriate, reasonable, and an attainable goal, or so I thought. Now I feel like I may have to renege pushing C to use the potty not just because he is having difficulty at school but because it could be the underlying cause of new behaviors emerging. And if I cease potty training, what will that teach him? That he can wear diapers until further notice, that if he is stubborn enough we won't follow through with the goals we have set for him?

Mama friends, I need some advice here...
Your comments and suggestions are welcome.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month

When my brother was 2 years old, he had a traumatic brain injury. He and my cousins were racing up the steps to the stoop of their apartment building. His accident happened before there were enforced building codes regulating the distance between the spindles on decks or stairs. My cousin reached the door first, threw open the screen door, hitting my brother in the back and knocking him through the spindles, and onto the concrete below.

Because of the accident, he endured countless surgeries, had to wear a helmet, lost partial use of his right hand, and began having epileptic seizures. He was a fighter and with each challenge he prevailed. With every obstacle, he pushed himself harder. There wasn't a day in his life that was easy or carefree, yet he lived life. His life may have been unconventional to some, but it was the life he chose.

There were many occasions when his disability cost him job opportunities. His seizures could sometimes knock him out for days at a time. The medicine he took to control the seizures had side effects that he felt were worse than the aftermath of the seizure. His experiences hardened him a bit. He had a sarcastic personality, but I think that part of the sarcasm was a way for him to beat others to the punch, to ensure the joke was on others and not him. Underneath his sarcastic, and sometimes anti-social personality was a person who loved deeper than many men I have encountered, a man who cared with every ounce of his being, a man that wanted to be accepted.

My brother fought his whole life against those who treated him differently and those that judged him before they knew him. Maybe he was different, maybe he was eclectic, or a loner, but that didn't make him any less human.

My brother, I believe, was a victim of bullying. It caused him to act depressed, to internalize his feelings and to remove himself from social situations. What those people who prejudged him missed out on was a loyal friend. Someone who would have given the shirt off of his back to anyone who asked. A friend that would give his last dollar, if someone else needed it more. A man that would listen to you, give you advice, be a shoulder to cry on, and a friend to laugh with, if they had just given him the opportunity to do so.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Did you know that children with special needs are two to three times more likely to be bullied than their "normal" peers? Children with disabilities may be unable to communicate to us that they are being bullied, may not know how to respond to bullies. www.stopbullying.gov highlights the following behaviors as signs there may be a problem with bullying:

• Unexplainable injuries
• Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
• Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness
• Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
• Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
• Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
• Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
• Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide

There are laws that protect children with disabilities from bullies through their 504 Plan or IEP, however it is important that if you feel like your child may be a victim of a bully, to review the School District's policy on bullying.

Bullying cannot stop with just one person. It takes the community to ban together to prevent bullies from having the power. We need to continue to reinforce positive behaviors in our children, and teach them to respect one another and not "judge a book by it's cover".

For more information on Bullying Prevention, visit:
www.pacer.org
www.stopbullying.org
www.bullyingprevention.org

Sometimes Routine is Overrated

Mama's Bedtime Battles

Every night C and I read the same book at bedtime, at the same time, while we sit in the same position on the bed. We have been doing this for about a year now, and every night our story gets a bit longer. It started with me reading to him, but as his vocabulary expanded, and he was able to retain the words, he began reading to me. It has been amazing to witness and quite the accomplishment. A few years ago he wasn't able to put words into meaningful phrases, and he grew to the point where he began to "read" to me on a nightly basis.

Fast forward to Monday night. We brushed our teeth, walked upstairs, turned the bathroom light on, walked into C's room, grabbed our book, took our places in bed, and began "Story Time". Monday night however was slightly different than our other nights. Suddenly the animals in our book began to have side stories of mostly jargon, some tangible words, and a lot of "and the... (insert animal)". While on a normal day I would have rejoiced, swung from the rafters in glee, Monday night I was not in the mood for extended story time. With each turn of the page, the one line sentence became a longer and still longer string of intangible/ jargon/ animal words.

Bear with me folks, there is a point...

As we sat and turned pages, and repeated words and phrases, and our 1/2 hour story time turned into 45 minutes, I found myself growing antsy. Suddenly out of no where, the phrase "I ain't got time for this" started to make it's way through my larynx and out of my mouth. Thankfully, my mama filter took charge and swallowed that hideous statement, and then I felt the regurgitation, I knew what was about to slip out and I quickly changed my statement to "Let's turn the page and see what happens next".

It was a hideous mommy moment. All I wanted to do was pour a large glass of wine, plop down on the couch and flip the channels back and forth between Bravo and E!.

Finally, we reached the end of the God Forsaken book, and C proudly proclaimed "And they lived happily ever after, The End". As I kissed my sweet boy goodnight, I felt the tension ease, the anxiety release, and I realized that I too, may be in need of a sensory break.

I was reminded by a very dear friend tonight, that we too are human. We too need time to decompress. Sometimes even the simplest of tasks seem insurmountable, and that is okay. As I write, C is watching Yo Gabba Gabba, and is happy. I am not doing one of the million things I have pinned to the board on Pinterest dedicated to C, I am focusing on me, with a glass of wine, and allowing myself to be okay with the break.

Tonight, I will cherish our bedtime routine, I will bask in the longer bedtime story. When I say "Good night, I love you", C will respond "Lub you" and when I say " Have a good night night", he will say "We will". Tonight I will be at peace, and it will only have a little to do with the fact that I was able to enjoy a glass of wine before bedtime tonight.