Instinct

A Mother's instinct is absolute, pure even. Somehow you just know when your child is stirring in the middle of the night, even before a sound comes out of the monitor. You know when your child is hurt, emotionally or physically before they even say a word. You have the amazing ability to distinguish one child's "mommy" voice from another.

C was born in the summer of 2008. It was completely uneventful. He was a scheduled C-section, because boy do our boys come out big. Unlike most birth stories, we just walked into the hospital and a few hours later we had a baby. No labor, no pushing, just joy.

C was a quiet baby. After 2 children who didn't sleep through the night (we still have issues with that), I was looking forward to a "good" baby. C even slept for 8 hours the second night in the hospital. He never cried, he just made an "ahhhhhhhh" sound, so softly you could barely hear him. Strange, I thought. All babies cry, don't they? But when I asked, I was advised to just be happy that I didn't have a screamer. And they were right, I had 2 other LOUD children, so having a quiet baby would be a nice change of pace.

Time went on, and C did everything at a later age than his brothers. Unlike our middle son, he had no interest in keeping up with the other kids. He was content to watch. He crawled at 9 months, walked at 16 months, and had a hand full of words by 2. When I confronted the doctors with my concerns, , they just ensured me that he was the product of "last baby syndrome". All of his milestones fell within the normal range. He was simply taking advantage of everyone doing everything for him.

We decided at 2 that it was time for baby boot camp. No more babying, this kid needed to talk, needed to get potty trained, needed to start engaging in activity with his brothers. For a full year we tried, unsuccessfully, and the longer we tried, the more "instinct" was whispering sweet nothings in my ear. "This child is not developing properly", "He should be talking by now", "Look at that 2 1/2 year old, he is having conversations, and can play games with the other kids".

I started to turn to friends with children, started to tell everyone I met that C was "special", slow, and that maybe there was something wrong. How should they have responded? "Your right, your kid has issues"? Of course not, they laughed, kidded with me, and assured me that each child develops at a different pace, and eventually he would catch up. All but one, a friend who was always honest. "Take him to the doctor, push for answers, if you think something is wrong, do something about it". She was right, but I was scared. I procrastinated. I wanted so desperately for someone to agree that C wasn't on the right developmental track, but was scared for what that would mean.

When I was in college, I worked at the YMCA. I will always, always remember my time there fondly. That one job taught me more about compassion, patience, and perseverance, than any other. While working there, we had 2 children enrolled in our after school program. We knew that they were developmentally behind,  but their parents' seemed to refuse our suggestion to have them evaluated for learning disabilities. Those poor children struggled to make friends, struggled to learn, struggled with what came naturally to other kids in their age group. If I ignored my instinct, would C become that child? Worse, would I become that parent?

I felt an overwhelming need to get answers, now. Little did I know that getting answers now would take months of testing, blood work, hearing evaluations, eye examinations, specialists, doctors... My poor child has anxiety just walking into the waiting room of a doctor's office now. Even when the appointment is not for him, he cries, runs to the door, and yells "good-bye, good-bye", in his sweet sing song voice. Who knew just how hard verifying a diagnosis would be, and if it is that hard to confirm what a doctor has already diagnosed, what are we in for next?

As parents we are our children's best advocate. I have been told this a million times by a million professionals. We can't live in fear of the unknown. The earlier a child is diagnosed, whether with Autism, ADHD, ED, ID, or any other syndrome, the better chance we have as parents to seek the appropriate therapies, treatments, plans that will help our children achieve their ultimate success. 

It is so hard to acknowledge imperfections in our children, whom in our eyes are perfect. With that said, seeking answers sooner rather than later, and having the courage to face your fears, will allow for more opportunities to better your child.