The Wanderer

In the past month, I have come across several news reports of search and rescue efforts for children with Autism. Some have had happy endings and others have been tragic. The latest story to cross my email is linked here search-on-for-missing-autistic-boy-in-bowie-co-tx.

We have had a few close calls in our family. Every time has been in the morning, while I have been getting ready for work. C has attempted to cross our main road twice, and has been found before he was able to. I cannot describe the fear, guilt and heartache that consumes me, each time, in the 60 seconds that he has been missing.

I know that it is easy to think that maybe I am not diligent, that I must be neglectful, but in the time that I turn to throw trash away and turn back, he can be gone. Out the door. Off our street. Those who know me know that I am protective, overbearing, and I know that I am far from neglectful, but in those seconds, I feel like the worst mom out there.

It is easy to place blame on the parents. Most are quick to assume that there are not enough safeguards in our home to keep our child safe and elopement free. One behaviorist suggested that we change all of the door knobs and locks to the tops of the doors, out of C's reach. It seems logical, but what if there were a fire, and my other children needed to escape. They can't pull a step stool out each time they need to leave the house. What about allowing C some freedom, some normalcy. Why can't he learn to open the doors as a neuro-typical child would?

I recently read a post from the National Autism Association's website nationalautismassociation.org, and it stated the following, "So, instead of asking why the parents took their eyes off their child – something all parents do when we sleep, shower, cook, go to the bathroom, comment on an article, read a blog, or make home repairs — the better question to ask is: how can we help children like Mikaela progress so that they understand ways to stay safe?" We, as parents, are being chastised for not being diligent, not watching over our children, allowing them to "escape". The word escape in essence means that we are holding our children hostage, the true definition "To break loose from confinement; get free". Our children learn and grow from experience, from the mere act of exploration. Where does one draw the line of allowing our children to explore and have freedom, and protecting them from their curiosity and their need to explore. This question does not just pertain to parents of children with Autism, but parent's in general. It is accepted among the neuro-typical community to allow children to fall, learn and get back up again, but as parents raising children with special needs, it appears that the same rules do not apply.

By no means am I saying that I will allow my child to wander off, and hope that he finds his way home, rather I am asking "How do I allow my child the freedom to explore, myself the sanity of a few minutes alone without fear of his elopement, all while keeping him safe"?

A few tips from Warrior Parents that I have heard are:
1. Introduce yourself to your neighbors. Give them a picture of your child and your phone number. Explain your child's diagnosis, and ask that if they see him/her without adult supervision to please contact you immediately.
2. Go to your local police and fire departments. Give them a picture of your child. Again, explain the diagnosis, and ask that they keep the picture on file, should you need to call on their services.
3. Purchase alarms for your doors and windows. They are sold at any electronic store and are available online. They range in price from $20 - $100, but will sound when any door or window they are attached to opens.
4. Educate your family and friends on the high instance of children with Autism wandering. Remind them that it can happen in a second.
5. Our family has an emergency plan that includes a family meeting at our mailbox, should we need to leave the house quickly. Ensure your family has an emergency escape plan, and a meeting place. We have created a plan so that every family member knows that if they are in C's vicinity to ensure that he too is able to escape.

This is a scary topic, but one that needs more attention. The reality is that 49% of children with Autism are prone to wandering (see above link reference). We as parents are typically blamed for the behavior, but very few of us have solid advice on how to prevent it, or even what to do should our child elope. Awareness, I believe is the first step to prevention.

For more information, visit www.awaare.org.